From The Inside Out: The Shadow 

That which we do not bring to consciousness appears in our lives as fate. -- Carl Jung

As the year has come to a close, I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on the experiences, lessons, and even challenges that it brought. Like a tide washing over the beach, in and back out again, the year came and went. It left, just as quickly as it came, but not without exquisite shells in its wake. As I have reflected on my time with clients, and the work we do, I know that each of them experiences “healing” differently. Nevertheless, I have found, that Carl Jung was right. We must heal, from within, and explore unchartered territories. Besides, they are there, just waiting for us to explore.

Unchartered Territories

Old English map makers often marked the edges of maps with imposing dragons, serpents, and other terrifying mythological beasts. Unsurveyed waters threatened sea fearers. Some chose not to venture into those unchartered territories. It was too scary and represented the unknown. Others, gathered their resources, planned for the quest, and hoped for the best.

Sometimes, you also have to ask yourself, which type of explorer you will be. Sometimes you have to ask yourself if it is worth the emotional risk. Perhaps it is more of a risk to stay exactly where you are, motionless, static, and still on the shore.

“Me and My Shadow”

We all have a way that we see the world around us, our internal “maps.” Our internal map determines how we look at the people around us, evaluate situations, and interpret our interactions in the world. Ironically we, too, have imposing dragons, serpents, and other terrifying mythological beasts that wait in unsurveyed waters. The conglomeration of parts that we don’t like in ourselves, create “the shadow.” It presents itself, everywhere.

Our shadow is, ironically, the very thing that we struggle with in other people that we, ourselves, have not “accepted” as part of ourselves. Carl Jung spoke of this part of ourselves that we push away, hide, or reject, as what we seek to project onto other people. We subconsciously transfer the very thing that we have to face in ourselves, onto others. Ironically, it is the very part of ourselves that we, too, fault in others that seeks to be explored.

Instead of looking at what we don’t like in others, and fully examining why, we jump into conflicts, toxic situations, and painful exchanges. Instead of seeing opportunities for us to “look at ourselves,” we often run from them. We hide. Instead of self-examination we “project” that part of ourselves onto others.  Essentially, if we a quality that actually “drive us crazy” in our friends, coworkers, or loved ones, we “push it away” and avoid looking at it. We attach it to them. It stays in the unchartered territories. As a result, it causes distress, because it can be painful to look at that part of oneself. It is avoided, and is hidden from view. As a result, it can cause great pain, as it seeks to be  understood.

Whether fully aware of it or not, our outside world, seeks for us to make what is unconscious, fully known. It is as if the universe wants us to learn about ourselves, and puts forth situations and people that grant us that chance. If we don’t examine our shadow side, it will repeat itself, over and over again. If you find yourself asking, “why does this always happen to me?” your shadow side may be showing itself to you. Will you notice? Are you willing start the journey, and discover your true self, even the parts that are hard to explore? 

Uncharted Territory

Certainly, each man and woman, young and old, comes to therapy to reduce pain, stop the hurt, manage intense emotions, or even stop feeling “broken.” Every one has a unique need and reason for why he or she walks in my door. Sometimes, it is not even clear; they just want something different. They want to not feel as they do. They just want relief from what hurts. Helping to work out where it comes from, that’s part of my journey. Part of theirs is to show themselves, their deepest wounds, even when it is the hardest thing to do. They must take this risk, even if exploring it seems even more painful. That is how therapy can explore your shadow side.

The journey to understand you shadow side can bring the greatest rewards, but with the greatest efforts required. Yet, to know oneself to truly understand oneself, means exploring the deepest darkest places. Even when it is scary, overwhelming, or feels like too much, your shadow side asks it of you. It calls to you, loudly, to get your attention. It shows itself in your outside world. Are you listening?  

About the Author:  

Sarah Jenkins, MC, is a psychotherapist who practices in Tempe Sarah helps people feel safe, validates their experiences, and helps people to resolve their issues. Sarah can be reached for scheduling here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/m15_view_item.html?m15:item=sajenkins%40mac.com / http://www.goodtherapy.org/Winter-Park-therapy.htm

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