Loss of Sexual Desire,
Anxiety and Self Esteem
How is
self-esteem associated with a loss of sexual desire?
Loss of sexual desire or
inhibited sexual desire in the parlance of sex experts is one of the major sex
problems most frequently described by aging men and women. It is believed that
aphrodisiacs and/or drugs cannot "cure" this problem. While some of the current
belief is that loss of sexual desire in middle-age is related to reduced levels
of testosterone in man and estrogen in women, that may not be the entire story.
It is now believed that loss of sexual desire may also have some association
with low self-esteem.
One of the first things a
couple or individual may do when they notice a loss of sexual desire is to gauge
how they are feeling about themselves both physically and mentally. Are there
aspects of their life that they need to consider that may be causing stress and
difficulty relaxing which may inhibit good sex? Obviously, if that is the case,
these issues need to be addressed.
One of the next things that may
need to be considered according to sex therapists is to work on the musculature
of your body, which will significantly improve your physicality as well as your
self-esteem. The stronger your body is the better you will feel about it.
Another thing to help with loss
of sexual desire is to keep a sexual desire diary. For a period of a week or
so, you should write down everything that contributes toward stimulating an
interest or desire for sex and rate it from 1 to 10 in terms of its power. You
should note any fleeting images from newspapers, televisions and everything else
that comes into your awareness. You may even share your diary with your partner
if you feel adventurous. This may even be a great way for couples to
communicate about some of their deepest desires without saying them out loud.
Loss of
sexual desire and anxiety:
Performances occur on stage and
in arenas, but should not be the focus of your activities in the bedroom.
Performance anxiety is a well-known phenomenon associated with loss of sexual
desire. Even though erections do take longer as men get into their 40’s and
50’s (and take longer to reappear between sexual acts) then when they're in
their 20’s and 30’s it is not something to fear. Just knowing the physiological
facts should make a big difference.
Obviously, some of the new
medications such as Viagra, Levitra and Cialis have helped to come a long way in
relieving performance anxiety in aging males. This relief also significantly
affected men's mental state which formerly resulted in a loss of sexual desire.
A previagra sex therapy trick that seems to ease performance anxiety in midlife
is to shift to what Oakland's sexologist Bernie Zilbergeld Ph.D refers to as
"pleasuring the soft penis." The goal for the man and his partner is to not
focus on an erection but on receiving pleasure even while the penis is soft. He
doesn't have to feel as if he needs to perform, as his partner massages his
genitals in a relaxed, warm state. Also, when it is thought of as more of an
exercise, it is perceived in a much less threatening way. Often, just a few
sessions will be surprisingly effective in restoring performance and reducing
other feelings and thoughts that lead toward loss of sexual desire.
Some information from Uncommon
Cures for Everyday Ailments from the Editors of Bottom-Line/Health
By
Paul Susic MA Licensed Psychologist Ph.D Candidate
